As fathers day approaches, it makes sense to reflect on our fathers and their influence on us. As such, I'm posting below an article written by my sister Judith that will be picked up by a local paper in Atlanta, Georgia. The article gives a good account of how fathers can leave an imprint on their offspring.
My Father made me The Woman I am
Judith E. Barnes, Ph.D.
He was perhaps five feet eight inches tall; slim in build and possessing a booming voice that belied his thin stature. He was a man not lent to condoning silliness in the speech or behavior of others; not that he resisted the subtleties of telling a good joke or laughing at same being told by others. But sound reasoning, processing on the intellectual environs and bringing about healthy dialogue between others and he was surely at the core of his character.
As a child I saw him read the dictionary and he gloried in the spoken and written word; he was a master at repartee and could easily beguile a woman into thinking that she was the most beauteous creature that God had created. But as all humans can he was often lent to great anger especially when he felt his intelligence was being attacked or his authority as a husband and or as a father. My father Ivan G. Barnes never had any qualms in correcting adults with the use of his ample and eloquent vocabulary spun into almost poetic cadence and a voice that was sonorous in its power. With his children, all nine, he felt no timidity in employing his more than ample speech patterns in correcting their faux pas. Likewise, he had no issue with implementing the well-accepted rule of caning well advocated by the British system under which he and his off springs were born and raised.
It is almost an understatement to say that Ivan G. Barnes managed to include passion in whatever task he undertook and so when he bellowed vociferously at one of his children or his wife or someone else that he might be engaging in a heated debate with; it was clear, he meant every emotion and every word that was observed and heard. It is from that man that had had he lived; he would now be in his 91st year, that I learned how to be who I am today. It was he exhibited to me that I had value and even though I was a girl, the message was clear; read, read, read, think, think, and let no one defeat you in manipulating you because you cannot think things through. Some 15 years since his being divested of this earth, I glory in the legacy that he has left me for because of him I have never thought I was less because I am a female.
Make no mistake though my father Ivan G. Barnes had very strong and oftentimes negative opinions about women, their role and their behaviors. Most of those opinions I am sure was easily colored by the fact that his own mother though having sired only one child, never seemed able to muster much maternal love toward him. That fact which I saw as a child saddened me deeply because imperfect as he was, there was none better than he. The same message that he issued as if edicts to my brothers, he issued also to my sisters and myself; we were to be self-respecting, clean in our physical self, honest, honest and honest again. He taught us not to fear others but to respect authority. He told us that we were not better than others, but no man or woman was to dare garner the temerity to think that he or she could look down on us. We were financially poor most of my young days growing up with this man, but I never wanted for anything and my father made me acutely aware by example that if there was only food enough for us children, we would and could eat and he would go without. By the way his negative opinions about women were and are true and even as a woman I had to admit it then and I admit them now. But despite those opinions about women, he sorely loved them and never missed an opportunity to share in the niceties of a woman’s presence.
So today as I sit and think of him and his legacy to me, and I often think of him because he is so much apart of who I am, I am grateful that despite all my poor choices and the folly of my ways as I have matured; his teachings resonate throughout my being and I can easily continue to forgive the errors that he made as he fathered nine children doing it the only way he knew how. Certainly this man whom shortly before he died and was experiencing the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, continued to look only to the needs of his children and I saw him cry profusely at the last family reunion of which he was a part of as he spoke of how proud he was of us all. He never pursued education on a high level although had he done so he would have been listed among one of the great minds of his time. He never sought to travel away from the shores of Jamaica, and though it was sometimes suggested that he didn’t because he experienced bouts of cowardice, he was a champion as a father. He loved his children with the greatest fervor possible especially for one who never experienced great maternal or paternal love or devotion himself.
I thanked my father before he left this earth and I look forward to seeing him again when I go to where he now resides and I thank him today within these lines and on these pages for not having left me out of his lectures and his pronouncements about how I was to be and how I should live. I did not agree with all his edicts, but I respected him for taking the time to tell me them. I did not agree with all his ranting and raving, but I always even as a small child, knew that he felt pain that was only expressed when he shouted and so he needed to shout. I thank my earthly father today for having imbued in me a sense of self that today continues to lift me up and keep me buoyed to such a degree that along with my relationship with God, I am a force to be reckoned with; to some degree like he was. I thank my father that as I have reached forward for academic and vocational achievements, I have seen his face before me encouraging me to do more. And I thank my father that he never even suggested in the slightest that I could not achieve because I was a girl.
It was he that recommended me for my first full-time job as a 15 year old child; he believed in me you see and for that I will always thank my father. He had faith in me that I could do the job of an adult in a place so appropriate, the local newspaper company where he worked in the reference library. You see in the end and toward the waning days of his life he spent many hours amongst literary tomes and reference materials; and I worked at the tender age of 15 writing words, words that he so dearly loved and which I have grown to love so dearly because of the rich heritage that he leant over and whispered in my ears as I grew. Love it surely I would, if he would have been here to see me walk the carpet to receive my doctorial degree in counseling and to become ordained; for I know he would have felt pride in one that quite willingly carries his gene of humility no matter what I have achieved. I somehow suspect he sees me and knows what I am doing even right at this moment.
Even as a child I believed that one should as often as possible tell others of my love for them; I thank God that my father knew of my love and regard for him and as he so often communicated by mail after I moved to the States at 17 years old, I would frequently remind him that though he didn’t father me perfectly, he fathered me the best he knew how and that has made all the difference in my life!!!!
Judith E. Barnes, Ph.D.
He was perhaps five feet eight inches tall; slim in build and possessing a booming voice that belied his thin stature. He was a man not lent to condoning silliness in the speech or behavior of others; not that he resisted the subtleties of telling a good joke or laughing at same being told by others. But sound reasoning, processing on the intellectual environs and bringing about healthy dialogue between others and he was surely at the core of his character.
As a child I saw him read the dictionary and he gloried in the spoken and written word; he was a master at repartee and could easily beguile a woman into thinking that she was the most beauteous creature that God had created. But as all humans can he was often lent to great anger especially when he felt his intelligence was being attacked or his authority as a husband and or as a father. My father Ivan G. Barnes never had any qualms in correcting adults with the use of his ample and eloquent vocabulary spun into almost poetic cadence and a voice that was sonorous in its power. With his children, all nine, he felt no timidity in employing his more than ample speech patterns in correcting their faux pas. Likewise, he had no issue with implementing the well-accepted rule of caning well advocated by the British system under which he and his off springs were born and raised.
It is almost an understatement to say that Ivan G. Barnes managed to include passion in whatever task he undertook and so when he bellowed vociferously at one of his children or his wife or someone else that he might be engaging in a heated debate with; it was clear, he meant every emotion and every word that was observed and heard. It is from that man that had had he lived; he would now be in his 91st year, that I learned how to be who I am today. It was he exhibited to me that I had value and even though I was a girl, the message was clear; read, read, read, think, think, and let no one defeat you in manipulating you because you cannot think things through. Some 15 years since his being divested of this earth, I glory in the legacy that he has left me for because of him I have never thought I was less because I am a female.
Make no mistake though my father Ivan G. Barnes had very strong and oftentimes negative opinions about women, their role and their behaviors. Most of those opinions I am sure was easily colored by the fact that his own mother though having sired only one child, never seemed able to muster much maternal love toward him. That fact which I saw as a child saddened me deeply because imperfect as he was, there was none better than he. The same message that he issued as if edicts to my brothers, he issued also to my sisters and myself; we were to be self-respecting, clean in our physical self, honest, honest and honest again. He taught us not to fear others but to respect authority. He told us that we were not better than others, but no man or woman was to dare garner the temerity to think that he or she could look down on us. We were financially poor most of my young days growing up with this man, but I never wanted for anything and my father made me acutely aware by example that if there was only food enough for us children, we would and could eat and he would go without. By the way his negative opinions about women were and are true and even as a woman I had to admit it then and I admit them now. But despite those opinions about women, he sorely loved them and never missed an opportunity to share in the niceties of a woman’s presence.
So today as I sit and think of him and his legacy to me, and I often think of him because he is so much apart of who I am, I am grateful that despite all my poor choices and the folly of my ways as I have matured; his teachings resonate throughout my being and I can easily continue to forgive the errors that he made as he fathered nine children doing it the only way he knew how. Certainly this man whom shortly before he died and was experiencing the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, continued to look only to the needs of his children and I saw him cry profusely at the last family reunion of which he was a part of as he spoke of how proud he was of us all. He never pursued education on a high level although had he done so he would have been listed among one of the great minds of his time. He never sought to travel away from the shores of Jamaica, and though it was sometimes suggested that he didn’t because he experienced bouts of cowardice, he was a champion as a father. He loved his children with the greatest fervor possible especially for one who never experienced great maternal or paternal love or devotion himself.
I thanked my father before he left this earth and I look forward to seeing him again when I go to where he now resides and I thank him today within these lines and on these pages for not having left me out of his lectures and his pronouncements about how I was to be and how I should live. I did not agree with all his edicts, but I respected him for taking the time to tell me them. I did not agree with all his ranting and raving, but I always even as a small child, knew that he felt pain that was only expressed when he shouted and so he needed to shout. I thank my earthly father today for having imbued in me a sense of self that today continues to lift me up and keep me buoyed to such a degree that along with my relationship with God, I am a force to be reckoned with; to some degree like he was. I thank my father that as I have reached forward for academic and vocational achievements, I have seen his face before me encouraging me to do more. And I thank my father that he never even suggested in the slightest that I could not achieve because I was a girl.
It was he that recommended me for my first full-time job as a 15 year old child; he believed in me you see and for that I will always thank my father. He had faith in me that I could do the job of an adult in a place so appropriate, the local newspaper company where he worked in the reference library. You see in the end and toward the waning days of his life he spent many hours amongst literary tomes and reference materials; and I worked at the tender age of 15 writing words, words that he so dearly loved and which I have grown to love so dearly because of the rich heritage that he leant over and whispered in my ears as I grew. Love it surely I would, if he would have been here to see me walk the carpet to receive my doctorial degree in counseling and to become ordained; for I know he would have felt pride in one that quite willingly carries his gene of humility no matter what I have achieved. I somehow suspect he sees me and knows what I am doing even right at this moment.
Even as a child I believed that one should as often as possible tell others of my love for them; I thank God that my father knew of my love and regard for him and as he so often communicated by mail after I moved to the States at 17 years old, I would frequently remind him that though he didn’t father me perfectly, he fathered me the best he knew how and that has made all the difference in my life!!!!
